A "Things I Forgive You For" List
True, wholesome, meaningful forgiveness doesn’t stop at saying a few magic words.
But it could start there.
Like every facet of healing, forgiveness is a process.
Likely because it takes an awful lot of self-awareness, compassion and fortitude to forgive — someone else, yourself, the past — and it takes time to hammer out those qualities.
It takes time and attention to put yourself back together.
Wisdom is earned; a token of our growth.
It makes sense that forgiving wouldn’t be a once-and-done sort of thing, a thing we gracefully lay aside on our first try. It’s too essential to be dealt with in one fell swoop.
If certain experiences in your past still weigh heavy on your soul, and you’re ready to confront those things (maybe again, but differently this time), then I made this list for you, too.
This is a list of things I forgive you for — “you” being my past and all the relationships that went sour, the way I used to go about my life, the mistakes and trouble I’ve made and the losses that changed me.
Making this list was a way for me to express how I still felt about things I’ve neglected to resolve for years.
It was an eye-opening exercise that showed me just how far I’ve come, and how much further I’d like to go.
“Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were.” – Cherie Carter-Scott
One thing worth mentioning:
You don’t need to shed your past in order to live better right now. Maybe what you need more than anything else is to find a new way to remember. It's what I needed.
Try making your own “Things I forgive you for” list if you intuitively know you still have things to let go.
Take some time to think about all the big and little things you could stand forgiving yourself for, forgiving others for, after all this time. Be specific. Be general. Write a letter. Make a poem. Do this however it feels right.
Now that the dust has settled, treat each memory like a child: gently.
The result is an honest sense of forgiveness that releases you from resentment and weaves its way into the fabric of your life.
Things I Forgive You For:
Promises broken.
Things left unsaid.
What could have been.
Judging too quickly.
Being so stubborn.
Muddled priorities.
Shame kept secret.
How you chose to survive.
All the beauty that never saw the light of day.
Responsibilities unclaimed.
Seeking wholeness in someone else.
Mistreating yourself.
Not knowing any better.
Grief I can’t even name.
Apologies that never came.
Lessons learned the hard way.
Giving up too soon.
Invisible wounds.
The anger in my veins.
The moments I let slip by.
The time I didn't take.
Mistaking myself for an enemy.
Having no boundaries in place.
Everything.
Everything.
. . .
Tell me:
What still needs your forgiveness?
Tell me in the comments. What you share helps more than you know.
In love,
Jen
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Comments on this post (8)
Wonderful.
— Pranjal
Jen, I am deeply sorry for your tremendous loss. My heart is with you and your entire family, and I wish you peace in the days and weeks ahead. Nothing can fill that void of their absence, but if we let the love we still and will always share with each other flood that space, I’ve found it’s a huge help moving forward without leaving anything beautiful behind. Sometimes it’s just one second at a time. We do what we can. None of us are perfect. But we have to let the love we share be enough. We can have mercy on our own selves. Losing to suicide is such a complex grief. Reach out to me anytime, for any reason at all. I’ll be here. With you. x
— Jennifer Williamson
Hi Jen,
Thank you for putting to words thoughts and feelings that have been rattling and raging in my heart and soul. I found my 21 year old son dead from a suicide/overdose n January, after a couple of years trying desperately to address his mental health issues. The trauma of discovering his body and the aftermath has consumed most of my efforts for the last 9 1/2 months. There is so much to be forgiven: on his part, on my part, on the mental health system’s part.
Thank you saying there is no timeline but my own. My 17 year old daughter, now an only child, is understandably struggling with the loss of her brother and her permanently scarred parents.
I get some solace in the fact that we honestly did the best we could with the resources we had in extended slow-motion nightmare that were the last two years of his life.
I found you exactly when I needed you- for that, I’m also grateful.
Thank you.
— JenC-T
Joshua, I’m so glad you found these words and they spoke to you! Thank you for reading and sharing. You’re very much not alone. We’re connected in great way, and what is in the past doesn’t need to pull you backwards or keep you still – it can be the stepping stone that continues to help you move forward.
— Jennifer Williamson
Deepika, yes, slowly you will be able to. Forgiveness is such a process, as are each of us. It’s okay to go slowly. I think that’s necessary. x
— Jennifer Williamson
So first and foremost, Thank you!
Your articles (which I found on a google search tonight)(10/20/20 12:58am) have each hit me individually but have encompassed my life as a whole! Literally you have given me the faith and direction to move on from the hurt in my life! I have been through so much these past couple months and to read someones words touch upon each aspect of what my brain has been screaming to put to spit out has just made me feel a little less lonely in this world! Thank you for motivating me to become greater than my self doubt, abuse, hurt, and voices of the past. Thank you! ~Love
— Joshua Kauffman
I find forgiveness and gratitude intertwine like braids. They are strong together. They are magic together.
— Jim
Wonderful post. Well I really need to forgive my father and myself. I find it hard but I know slowly I will be able to.
— Deepika Agarwal